On my short walk into my place of employment every morning it is shocking to see so many people, men in particular, who are horribly dressed. Am I supposed to believe that every one of these people is just so out of touch with what looks good? I fully understand that not everyone is as good looking as me, your favourite, anonymous, quick witted blogger. However, what makes people look in the mirror and head for the exits thinking they look good, even though, deep down they know that what they have thrown together lacks substance, style and class. To me it is a sign of disrespecting yourself. Every morning you have to look great and feel great so that you can be great. Everybody gets to choose how they spend their money and my plea is to spend some of that money on yourself and your personal image. This doesn’t mean head for Holt Renfrew or Burberry type locales and drop cash like Paris Hilton drops ecstasy tablets, but it does mean you should just chip away at it. A constant addition and subtraction system where if you don’t wear something for a couple of months, perhaps you should give it to good will. Instead of awkwardly pulling it on, despite how big your laundry pile is. I know that I would much rather spend my money on a couple cases of Coors Light then on a shopping excursion, but I understand the importance of looking good. I find that more often then not style most of time has a lot to do with the minor details. There is often a misconception that only people with a large disposable income can look good, I don’t agree. Some of my biggest pet peeves with some guys choices with clothes tend to be the most common and i have the pleasure of listing them below. No point listing anything about woman because I don’t know what I’m talking about and who am I kidding? No self respecting females are reading this drivel anyways. Although some of this relates to the fairer sex.
1. If any of your pants have pleats, get rid of them, don’t give those away. Not even the less fortunate should shoulder the burden of these and be forced to wear them. Just be done with them. You have no one to blame about the lost cost on those pants, but your self…. pathetic.
2. Running shoes are for running, they’re not for wearing with jeans or khakis on your way out to the bar or movie theatre. Do yourself a favour and head to a shoe store without “sport” in its name and pick up a casual every day shoe which sole purpose isn’t to make you a better runner, no pun intended. Ratchet up that shoe game son.
3. If you have to bunny loop your shoe laces 3 times and they are still dragging on the ground they’re TOO long. If you added up all of the time you wasted tying your shoes 6 times over per lace every time you wanted to go out I guarantee it would take longer then going to the store and finding some shorter laces. Think about it, you look like that mentally handicapped 30 year old guy who is still in high school despite his age. You know who I’m talking about.
4. There is nothing worse then when you go and get your pants hemmed and the sweet little filipino lady with 13 mouths to feed in Manilla off of her $8.25/hr wage hems your pants too short. Not only did you just waste a good pair of pants that you no doubt just purchased, but you also wasted the $20 on the crap hem job. However, this aforementioned problem should not give you a free pass to continue to wear these pants, like you are strolling around with 2’ of water every where. “Flood pants” as they are affectionately called have no place in any ones wardrobe.
5. Perhaps you have a denim jacket? it may look good on you. Don’t wear it with your jeans.
6. Camouflage…. If you have anything more then a pair of camo shorts in your arsenal and you’re not enlisted in the armed forces, you have gone too far. I was never a big fan of the camouflage phase back in the early 2000’s and I never understood when people would wear camouflage pants with a camouflage shirt, or jacket. One thing that was especially confusing was when two different styles, or even colors of camouflage would be worn by the same corporal wannabe at the same time. Can someone explain to me what the blue camouflage is used for?
7. No matter what, every year around the same time seasons change and with that the weather changes. At what point do you forget that it gets cold or rains in October – March and you think to yourself, “damn it, i’m ill prepared”. You go digging through your closet and success! Your 1995 Starter NHL team jacket? Invest in a new jacket, chances are you are going to wear it more often then you would like.
8. “I don’t care what I wear crowd” are a bunch of hypocrites. If you didn’t care what you wore would it not it be easier to just huck on a pair of levi’s and a plain t-shirt? Instead of scouring over racks and racks of used clothes at the local Value Village. Lets call a spade a spade; your fat, your parents most probably didn’t love you enough as a kid and you have zero self respect. Which would probably explain why you are wearing clothes that hippies in the 70’s wouldn’t even get caught dead in.
9. Gothic – I’m sure you have enough demons in your head in regards to your self image and purpose in life so I don’t need to really dwell too much on your wardrobe of black t-shirts, black pants, doc martens and black leather jackets. I simply just don’t get it. Props for the ability to really get behind something so much, what ever that may be, that you are willing to wear the same thing 7 days a week, 365 days a year.
10. Disney clothes – are you kidding me? The fact that Disney makes adult clothes is a bit of shocker, but fuck me, people buy em. They have not doubt made a fortune selling Mickey Mouse inspired shirts to people over the age of 18. Why did you buy that shirt? No wonder 50% of marriages fail, people lack foresight.