Monthly Archives: October 2010

World Series Prediction

Although i’m sure Bud Selig is tearing his hair out over the fact that neither the Yankees nor the Phillies made it into the big game this year, it is nice to have a couple of fresh faces in the fall classic. One of them is really, really fresh in fact since the Texas Rangers had never won a single playoff series before this year, let alone made it to the World Series. So kudos to them and kudos to the Giants also, who came from out of nowhere before the season started to end up in the big game. I’m sure not many people predicted a Rangers v. Giants world series at the beginning of the year. Since I have no alliances to either of these teams I will put on my sports-wizard hat and predict the winner of this series.

It should be a rather entertaining matchup to watch, although it might not be to everyone’s taste when the first pitch is thrown tonight in San Francisco. These teams both have some serious bats in their lineups, but their meat and potatoes are the marquee pitchers they both sport so expect the games to be low-scoring nail-biters. Definately worth catching at the pub with some friends, and fortunately Mr. Bettman was nice enough to give the Canucks a week long break so we will need to fill that obvious sports void somehow.

I see the lovely, circular flag filled world series trophy being hoisted by the Rangers in 6 games. Cliff Lee will have two of those wins and will be named the MVP, hands down. The guy has never been beat in post season play so maybe a regular contender will smarten up enough to offer the guy a long term contract next year so he doesn’t keep getting traded around. How is it possible that the best playoff pitcher in recent memory has played on 4 teams in the last 2 seasons? Pure craziness.

I see the Rangers’ pitching stifling the Giants’ bats enough to carry them to a series win. The cinderella of the post-season, Cody Ross, will proceed to go 0-for this series and the rest of the Giants hitters will struggle mightily as well. The Rangers have just enough pop in their offense that they should be able to overcome the Giants studly pitching staff and put some runs on the board to support their pitchers. Buster Posey also hasn’t been gunning guys down on the base paths that well this post season so look for the Rangers to try and take advantage of that by swiping bags often.

All-in-all a great way to end another ridiculously long baseball season. But the world series is always worth watching, so make sure you tune in for some good sporting.

Oh and I saw this great article on Yahoo! this morning, turns out Bengie Molina doesn’t care who wins because he gets a ring anyways!

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Modern day vikings

I spent yesterday evening watching the rather humorous and totally entertaining movie How to Train Your Dragon, highly recommended. The main characters are vikings, albeit they are nicer than their historical brethren who had a history of making voyages to rape and pillage villages and towns. Well this morning when I woke up I did not think that I would come face to face with a modern day viking.

You see when I was younger I was a whole lot dumber, really really really dumb in fact and that’s when I first ran into vikings. They had taken over a building in this magical thing called a Auto Mall where they erect their modern day homes and proceed to procreate some of the meanest and toughest clans around. This particularly nasty, slimy, and dirty clan went by the initials GM, which is probably the initials of the head clansman. Anyways I walked into this Viking Village to purchase a boat and before I knew it I was being raped and pillaged of my hard earned money. To be fair, it was a mutual raping at this point and I thought I was coming out with something worth my fortunes. What I was really doing was being taught how to bend over, drop my pants, have a sock stuffed into my mouth and then have Thor’s hammer shoved all the way up my ass.

It wasn’t a quick raping though, Vikings are smart. They try to lull you into a happy space with guarantees that they won’t pillage you for so many years for buying a boat off of them. But once that guarantee runs out boy your boat seems to magically start to develop cracks and leaks and both of your automatic key fobs that are the only way to board the boat without it going into an annoying alarmed frenzy don’t work even though you have just had the boat for less than 5 years. Vikings have advanced technology, it’s shitty technology, but they put it their anyways to placate the rapees.

Now once your guarantees run out that is when the Vikings really go to work on your exposed ass and just rape and pillage the shit out of you. You see Vikings even charge you for their efforts to figure out why they are raping you, it’s called a “diagnosis cost”. Even though the boat was viking made, they have no idea why it is falling apart and doing crazy things. This just in Vikings – the diagnosis is you made a shitty boat, with crappy parts and yet you try to play it off as if people are making good investments by buying them from you.

Buying boats or any other vehicles from Vikings is the WORST investment in the history of man. You will always come out on the wrong side. That boat that you bought from them 5 years ago for ohhhh lets say 30 gold flugerands is not worth a paltry 5 gold flugarands. Add into that the 5 gold flugarands you’ve had to pay for upkeep and you have really been pillaged good. And what do you have to show for it? A boat that will keep the vikings raping and pillaging you.

The moral of this rant…..Don’t EVER buy a new boat, always buy something used. Even if you have to pump a large chunk of money into it over the years you are still coming out ahead of buying a new boat. Oh and one more tip… NEVER EVER EVER EVER BUY GENERAL MOTORS. Forget the whole “Buy American” thing. I’ll “Buy American” or “Buy Canadian” when you start producing a decent fucking car that doesn’t have the most retarded and annoying problems, i’m sure for a couple more dollars you could put actual parts in the vehicle that won’t disintegrate right on target with your warranty. Oh right, I meant boat not car. Goddamn vikings have me riled up. Seriously don’t buy a GM.

Oh and just so you all know, you’ve all been raped by a Viking. “But I don’t have a boat” you say. Doesn’t matter, people decided that they didn’t want to be raped and pillaged by these vikings. So they decided to rape and pillage the government (ie. YOU) for money so they could continue to build shitty boats and go on with their raping and pillaging. How’s your ass feel now?

Taste gets better with age

I recently partook in a study to determine the effects of aging on the taste of music and was surprised to hear the results. The study was commissioned, designed, deployed and participated by yours truly so to say it is indicative of the entire population of the world would be accurate.

Remember the first time you took a sip of your dad’s wine spritzer or your mom’s can of Wildcat? Tasted like crap didn’t it? If you said it tasted like lucky charms then you are probably a drunk who is reading this from the gutters of society, in which case we’d like to thank you for reading and for offering less competition to us finding good jobs. Anyhow, over the years the taste of alcohol grew on you and now most adults find themselves enjoying these delicious beverages at least a few times a week. Well it dawned on me during this thorough study that my taste in music has gotten a lot better with age as well. Now not everyone has the musical pedigree of myself, I once played the opening riff of “Satisfaction” on a guitar, but seemingly peoples taste in music gets a little more eclectic and enjoys more talent put into the work. A band like The Arcade Fire may have sounded like that first taste of liquor back when you were 14 – harsh, rough, and a distinct aftertaste that left you on the verge of puking. Come forward 10 or 15 years and you realize the complexity and intricacies of each song that make it smooth and delicious just like a full-bodied beaujolais, see I know wine too. Sure I still love when Katy Perry get’s my heart racing in her skin tight jeans when she’s my teenage dream tonight. And who doesn’t love Kid Cudi’s pursuit of happiness by drinking and driving and not giving a shit. But with each passing year of age people seem to respect a little more thought and talent put into what goes into their ears.

Anyways, this was really just a reason for me to post some songs that everyone should be listening to now because, well, I said so.

Brandon Flowers – Only the Young from his CD Flamingo

Mt. Desolation – A state of our Affairs from their yet to be named album

The New Pornographers – Moves from their album Together

And because I mentioned the Arcade Fire, here is an oldie but a goodie.

The Arcade Fire – Rebellion/Lies from the album Funeral

Self Respecting Style

On my short walk into my place of employment every morning it is shocking to see so many people, men in particular, who are horribly dressed.  Am I supposed to believe that every one of these people is just so out of touch with what looks good?  I fully understand that not everyone is as good looking as me, your favourite, anonymous, quick witted blogger.  However, what makes people look in the mirror and head for the exits thinking they look good, even though, deep down they know that what they have thrown together lacks substance, style and class.  To me it is a sign of disrespecting yourself.  Every morning you have to look great and feel great so that you can be great.  Everybody gets to choose how they spend their money and my plea is to spend some of that money on yourself and your personal image.  This doesn’t mean head for Holt Renfrew or Burberry type locales and drop cash like Paris Hilton drops ecstasy tablets, but it does mean you should just chip away at it.  A constant addition and subtraction system where if you don’t wear something for a couple of months, perhaps you should give it to good will.  Instead of awkwardly pulling it on, despite how big your laundry pile is.  I know that I would much rather spend my money on a couple cases of Coors Light then on a shopping excursion, but I understand the importance of looking good.  I find that more often then not style most of time has a lot to do with the minor details.  There is often a misconception that only people with a large disposable income can look good, I don’t agree.  Some of my biggest pet peeves with some guys choices with clothes tend to be the most common and i have the pleasure of listing them below.  No point listing anything about woman because I don’t know what I’m talking about and who am I kidding?  No self respecting females are reading this drivel anyways.  Although some of this relates to the fairer sex.

1.  If any of your pants have pleats, get rid of them, don’t give those away.  Not even the less fortunate should shoulder the burden of these and be forced to wear them.  Just be done with them.  You have no one to blame about the lost cost on those pants, but your self…. pathetic.

2. Running shoes are for running, they’re not for wearing with jeans or khakis on your way out to the bar or movie theatre.  Do yourself a favour and head to a shoe store without “sport” in its name and pick up a casual every day shoe which sole purpose isn’t to make you a better runner, no pun intended.  Ratchet up that shoe game son.

3. If you have to bunny loop your shoe laces 3 times and they are still dragging on the ground they’re TOO long.  If you added up all of the time you wasted tying your shoes 6 times over per lace every time you wanted to go out I guarantee it would take longer then going to the store and finding some shorter laces. Think about it, you look like that mentally handicapped 30 year old guy who is still in high school despite his age. You know who I’m talking about.

4.  There is nothing worse then when you go and get your pants hemmed and the sweet little filipino lady with 13 mouths to feed in Manilla off of her $8.25/hr wage hems your pants too short.  Not only did you just waste a good pair of pants that you no doubt just purchased, but you also wasted the $20 on the crap hem job. However, this aforementioned problem should not give you a free pass to continue to wear these pants, like you are strolling around with 2’ of water every where. “Flood pants” as they are affectionately called have no place in any ones wardrobe.

5. Perhaps you have a denim jacket? it may look good on you.  Don’t wear it with your jeans. 

6. Camouflage…. If you have anything more then a pair of camo shorts in your arsenal and you’re not enlisted in the armed forces, you have gone too far.  I was never a big fan of the camouflage phase back in the early 2000’s and I never understood when people would wear camouflage pants with a camouflage shirt, or jacket.  One thing that was especially confusing was when two different styles, or even colors of camouflage would be worn by the same corporal wannabe at the same time.  Can someone explain to me what the blue camouflage is used for?

7.  No matter what, every year around the same time seasons change and with that the weather changes.  At what point do you forget that it gets cold or rains in October – March and you think to yourself, “damn it, i’m ill prepared”.  You go digging through your closet and success! Your 1995 Starter NHL team jacket?  Invest in a new jacket, chances are you are going to wear it more often then you would like. 

8. “I don’t care what I wear crowd” are a bunch of hypocrites.  If you didn’t care what you wore would it not it be easier to just huck on a pair of levi’s and a plain t-shirt?  Instead of scouring over racks and racks of used clothes at the local Value Village.  Lets call a spade a spade; your fat, your parents most probably didn’t love you enough as a kid and you have zero self respect.  Which would probably explain why you are wearing clothes that hippies in the 70’s wouldn’t even get caught dead in.

9. Gothic – I’m sure you have enough demons in your head in regards to your self image and purpose in life so I don’t need to really dwell too much on your wardrobe of black t-shirts, black pants, doc martens and black leather jackets.  I simply just don’t get it.  Props for the ability to really get behind something so much, what ever that may be, that you are willing to wear the same thing 7 days a week, 365 days a year.

10. Disney clothes – are you kidding me?  The fact that Disney makes adult clothes is a bit of shocker, but fuck me, people buy em.  They have not doubt made a fortune selling Mickey Mouse inspired shirts to people over the age of 18.  Why did you buy that shirt?  No wonder 50% of marriages fail, people lack foresight.

 

The Tipping Point

Tip – A gratuity (a voluntary additional payment made for services rendered)

Let’s focus on the key word of that definition: VOLUNTARY

Sorry service people, but the majority of you are abusing the shit out of the tipping model. A tip should not be automatically expected just because you are a waiter or a taxi driver or someone who works in another position that typically earns tips. You have to actually EARN your tip, kind of like how the rest of the population does for their regular salary (well not me really but you get the drift).

Recently while in Las Vegas the company that was supposed to take us to the airport did a drive by while we were standing there and kept driving without stopping or even acknowledging our presence. After placing a call to them I was informed that bus was full and they would have to reroute another bus to us. Basically, if I hadn’t called they were giving me the big ol screw you. Couldn’t your bus have at least stopped and told me to call the number or called the number from their radio? Nope. So to me, this is bad service. Not tip worthy at all. So when the other driver that was sent to pick us off deposited us at the airport we grabbed our bags, said thanks and he replied with “Do you need any change?”. We had paid with a voucher so this was his less-than-subtle way of saying “where’s my tip?”. Well son, your tip is back at the head office or with the first driver that flew by right in front of us and was ready to leave us at our hotel. So why don’t you go ask them for some money because your company hasn’t earned anything from me.

Here are some “voluntary” tips for those people earning tips:
– Provide good service: Whether you are bringing dinner or drinks, make an effort to move things along as quick as possible. That’s what most people are looking for.
– Be polite and courteous: It’s pretty simple, put a smile on your face and interact with the customers in a polite manner without stepping on their conversation.
– Show some cleavage: Works everytime against men doesn’t it ladies, unless you shouldn’t be showing cleavage at which point that will cost you points. Hey, I think it’s unfair too, to the 1 or 2 girls that may read this blog and think “asshole”. I’d much rather if they didn’t flirt, wear short skirts and skimpy tops because then I wouldn’t have to tip them as much
– Be understanding: When you’ve done a shitty job, and know that you have don’t let a desperation hail mary go like the bus driver did. Show some dignity, acknowledge that you sucked, and eat it. Use it as a lesson on what not to do.

Gary Bettman – The Donkey

The few readers who actually read this blog can probably tell by now that Truthfully Lying is a big fan of the ol stick and puck, better known as hockey. We are passionate about the game and our local team to the level of unhealthiness. This level of interest in the game and the NHL makes it almost impossible to consistently read/listen to what form of retardation the NHL head office has manifested on any given day. They have one of the most exciting sporting products in terms of speed, toughness, and sheer talent yet more mundane sports such as Baseball and Basketball continue to outpace them for fans. Nothing against those two sports – well at least nothing about Baseball, basketball….meh.

I’ll give you a quick recap of some of the genius ideas that have come out of the NHL head office and Mr. Bettman’s ridiculous mouth before discussing their latest and greatest idea….it’s a doozy believe me.

Highlighted puck
Oh look there goes a red rocket! Better yet you also get to see Fox’s genius robots at the end of some of the goals.

Warrior Advertising
Instead of using the talent and toughness of real NHL players to show off how great the sport is the NHL and their advertising agency thought that a big boobed girl dressing a guy in his gear and making him seem like a “warrior” would be the best way to attract fans. Instead it probably confused people while at the same time making the league seem pathetic and bush-league. Good work Gary and co.

Present day
And then this morning I read this
I thought it was a joke at first, I couldn’t believe a professional sports league would actually even consider something like this, let alone how ridiculous the explanation around it seems to be. Each “Guardian” will have 5 powers???? Good god. What is the Atlanta Thrasher’s guardian going to do, hatch golden eggs? Is the Edmonton Oiler going to spill oil into the environment – he’s definately my pick for villain. Who in the NHL office thought this would be a good idea? What i’d like to hear is how much money they have already pumped into this jaw dropping project. I’m sure its multi-million already.

So, yet again the NHL has dropped the ball on the marketing of their product by once again refusing to use the talent and toughness of the actual athletes to promote the on ice product. Instead they are hoping to lure 35 year old nerds that still live in their parents basement I believe. As the title of this blog suggests, the only logical superhero name that can be given to Gary Bettman is “The Donkey”. His superpowers are whining, being useless, and shitting on hockey lovers around the world. What a dick.

Why would you want to be a journalist?

Quite often I find myself tuned into The Daily Show on The Comedy Network (or catching it for free online the next day if i’ve missed it) because it truly is one of the great comedic shows out there, and there is a smattering of information passed along too – albeit in a comical way. Over the past couple of months Jon Stewart had started to pick on CNN’s Rick Sanchez quite often, usually ragging on his rather….weak lets say jounalistic integrity/seriousness. In his position Stewart watches a lot of media and likes to keep them accountable for providing the masses with unbiased information, rather than useless blather which seems to be the trend of many stations. So when Sanchez would get a little goofy, Stewart was right there to smack him for it.

Then, as most people know, last week Rick Sanchez was on a comic’s satellite radio show and called Stewart a bigot and tried to retaliate for all of Stewart’s jokes against him. He failed and made himself look like a rather big doofus/bigot in the process by then ranting how Jewish people owned the media (come on Sanchez, everyone already knows that!). This led to Mr. Sanchez being given his walking papers and no doubt a phone call to Fox News from Sanchez’s agent. I don’t know enough about Sanchez to determine whether I hate or like him so i’m talking from a position of neutrality for this rant.

I think it’s ridiculous that a newsperson gets fired for speaking their own opinion after they have been attacked by someone. Now granted his rant about Stewart was pretty off colour but i’d say it was blown way out of proportion. He’s just angry that he keeps getting picked on by Stewart, and he’s not smart enough to get back at him with jokes so it boiled over for a while and then finally exploded. It happens to us all. Unfortunately, it happened to someone who is a national television figure. That’s not really where my problem lies.

My problem with this decision is that the media now uses information and updates from random people on twitter and facebook to help fill out their programs and present stories to viewers, many of whom i’m sure have had racist, angry, hatred filled tweets or updates or whatever and yet the media has no problem putting their thoughts on tv. But when someone in the public eye vents a little anger they get crucified. I know its part of the territory, and everyone knows they have to be careful when they are a public figure – but enough is enough with this “He said something that could be construed as racist and it has personally hurt me. I demand he be taken to task”. This isn’t kindergarten anymore, and we don’t need the rest of the media world picking up this stuff and basically tattling on him.

North America believes in free speech but the more we force people to walk around on egg shells the quicker that freedom will begin to humpty dumpty on us. It’s no wonder everybody would rather sit back on their computer under an acronym or avatar and blog/tweet their rants about the price of cheese, how dumb gary bettman is, or how people have terrible taste in television shows instead of putting their real name behind something on tv, radio or in print. It’s much much easier and anonymous this way. No integrity required, your gonna love this Sanchez.